A Week of Stupidity

I strongly suspect that various South Africans are hell bent on proving to the world that we're a nation of complete morons.

First there was Jon Qwelane and his homophobic rantings, the stupidity here not so much being his bigoted opinions, but the belief that he could publish his drivel in a national newspaper and not except a backlash. Then again, what was the editor thinking?

Then Cosatu's Zwelinzima Vavi leading protesters against rising food prices, threatening to have the Minister of Finance by the balls if he didn't zero rate a list of basic food items. The erudite Mr Manuel pointing out that 4 of the 5 items Vavi demanded are already zero rated.

Not to be outdone Cosatu spokesman Patrick Craven says "We don't want to be bogged down in specifics, but are making a general call that anything that forms part of ordinary people's daily diet should be zero rated - that remains our position"
If you're planning to cripple the country through national strikes, getting bogged down in specifics should be pretty high up on the list.

Given that they've been planning the protests for weeks surely someone in Cosatu would have enough brains to do some basic research, or if they're too busy/lazy/stupid to do it assign the task to some eager intern. Step one, compile a list of most common foodstuffs consumed by ordinary people, that should take no more than an hour. Step two, next to each item insert VAT Free, or leave blank if VATable (Info on VAT courtesy of SARS website). Step 3, send the document to the bosses and hopefully they'd then be able to rattle off a list of items where they think VAT should be dropped. Voila! Vavi may even come across as vaguely intelligent.

Kissing cousins Malema (ANCYL) and Manamela (SACPYL) are out in full force proving once again that they haven't got a fucking clue about how anything in the world works, not least a stable judiciary.

In defence of stupidity DarrenRavens writes that being prejudiced against stupidity is no different to any other form of discrimination. Re-reading what he writes a couple of times I cant decide if he's taking the piss or genuinely believes that Stupidism is a form of discrimination. If we agree with his hypothesis, that to be anti stupid people is a form of discrimination and that its simply a function of their circumstances (nature or nurture?) and that being anti-stupid is no different to being say anti-gay, etc etc. Then they key point he misses is that these stupid people unfortunately have an impact on our lives. They can be as stupid as they like, I really don't care, gather in groups, form societies for the promotion of stupidity, build shrines to the Gods of stupidity, whatever floats their boat. But, if anyone wishes to assume a position of power in civil society or government, their peers should keep the stupid ones out. I certainly do not advocate a homogeneous bland consensus across the various leaders, but if you are going to debate or demand something at least do so from from a position of knowledge, even it is based on precepts I personally think are wrong.

A Minister's Test

Reclassifying South African Chinese as Coloured got me thinking. I'm prepared to accept that my spoken English is at times a little too precise, clipped even. There are occasions when fellow whiteys stare at me blankly. But as the Minister has pointed out, there's now no excuse for the Chinese to feign non-understanding. Clearly failure in my previous attempts at communication is nothing more than a cleverly designed sham.

So I trundled down to the local Chinese supermarket, an epicurean haven of strange tins, plastic packets of dried exotic fungi (or dried exotic something that has now become fungi) and not a sell by date in sight. This is very challenging given I subscribe to the Woolies world view that all foodstuffs become toxic waste one second after the sell by date. The fact that the store is generally frequented by Chinese shoppers, none of whom seem to be suffering from amoebic dysentery or visible lesions of any form, I'm prepared to concede that the packets do not contain anthrax or anything life threatening and that if a tin is not bulging ready to explode clearly the contents are fit for human consumption.

Now my point is, previously whenever I have attempted to ask about the content of anything, its use, etc. I'm either greeted with a blank stare or the reply that its very nice. Apparently everything they stock is very nice. Previously this lead me to believe that either the entire Chinese population share a uniform palate, I'm not being understood, or simply that the sweet young thing behind the counter is just trying to make a sale.

Living in Cape Town exposes one to the local patois and by osmosis one absorbs some of the nuances.
So with the Minister's advice fresh in my mind I strode in prepared to emerge with a bag of delights perfect for my next culinary experiment.
Settling on a tin that had an image on it that could either be a strange root vegetable or the intestines of some sea creature from the abyss I headed for the counter arm extended, expectant look on my face. Seizing the moment I put the Minister to the test. Hoesit my larny, the blank stare threw me for a moment, had I overstepped the mark, had I failed to acknowledge some social norm? After a moment she smiled politely and I realised that she was just a little reserved and being the spitting image of the girl on the cover of Asian Hotties 33 on sale at the dodgy video store next door, possibly she was just tired of men being over familiar.

I thrust the tin in front of me, Lekka ne? Another blank stare albeit with a hint of disapproval, clearly a dont check me skeef look. Wiesse larny dink jay is ek? Looking through the window at the road outside a mini bus taxi driver was screaming Mowwwbraaay Kaaap! A second taxi pulled up and shouted the same hunting call and like two bull walruses they faced off and traded insults. The shop assistant paid them no attention, maybe she didn’t understand the altercation outside? She continued to stare at me in an odd way.

Like a child learning that Father Christmas is a lie, the realisation dawned that a government minister may not be correct, my world was reeling, an acid test was required. The truth would be out one way or another. I again thrust the tin forward with the hint of a smile and in the sweetest voice said jo ma se poe* She beamed back and said very nice.
I quietly retreated, replaced the tin and slunk out the door.

On impulse I went into the video store and picked up a copy of Asian Hotties 33. As luck would have it, just as time warps and the period from shelf to innocent brown paper bag expands into an eternity in complete contravention of Einstein's theories, the supermarket girl walked in. Slightly bashfully I looked at her and then at the cover, there was no doubt. She beamed and with a double thumbs up said, very nice. I suspect I'll be buying lots of tins of pickled coelacanth intestines in the future.

Minister of stupidity

Malema's stupidity is almost excusable, after all he's just a superannuated member of the youth league and we all expect the youth to behave abysmally.

The Labour Minister Mdladlana is a whole new ball game. What was this moron thinking?
Clearly history has no place in the minister's brain, has he ever read the Freedom Charter?

The second paragraph reads:

All National Groups Shall have Equal Rights!

• There shall be equal status in the bodies of state, in the courts and in the schools for all national groups and races;
• All people shall have equal right to use their own languages, and to develop their own folk culture and customs;
• All national groups shall be protected by law against insults to their race and national pride;
• The preaching and practice of national, race or colour discrimination and contempt shall be a punishable crime;
• All apartheid laws and practices shall be set aside.

So here we have a minister sprouting racial stereotypical comments with as much aplomb as a former Nat.

Yes minister you are perfectly correct, off course all the Chinese have no respect for employees and as you imply all non-Coloured and non-Black employers are just as bad as the Chinese. You didn't mention the Indians where do they fall into your thinking? Not as good employers as the Coloureds, but better than the Chinese? Now those 'Chinese' factories, are you sure they weren't owned by Koreans? I know its hard, they all look the same.

Mr Minister, you are a racist, a disgrace to your party and an embarrassment to the country. The probability of you having the good grace to resign is remote. With any luck you'll be fired.

Mobile Intelligence

It was with the usual cynicism that I read that Johannesburg taxi drivers and associated hangers-on were threatening to strike over rising fuel prices.
Not only are they thinking about striking, but also to bring all public transport to a halt since embattled consumers are opting to use cheaper buses to get to and from work, how dare they consider using other more cost efficient transport!

"We will definitely go on strike if the petrol price continues to go up and when we do go on strike no other public transport will function"

Why stop there? If you have a gripe about the petrol price why not bring the whole country to a halt?

"We will bring South Africa to a standstill. Everything that moves by road will stop."

Having muttered and fumed over the complete stupidity of their thinking, I came to a startling conclusion. The average South African has no idea of the power the lies in the taxi industry. Just like shape shifting lizards, they walk among us.

This is a massive collective consciousness, a hive-mind, a mobile dispersed neural network capable of effecting global change.

I realised this as a taxi sped past, cut in front of me and then screeched to halt. Up until that moment my mind had been focused on the boring minutiae of daily life and philosophy really was the last thing I was thinking about, or even thinking of thinking about. Unbidden and clearly influenced by this collective cerebral power I instantly shifted my thoughts and in a mildly tourettic way yelled Kant. It was suddenly all clear.

"If one cannot prove that a thing is, he may try to prove that it is not. And if he succeeds in doing neither (as often occurs), he may still ask whether it is in his interest to accept one or the other of the alternatives hypothetically, from the theoretical or the practical point of view. …Hence the question no longer is as to whether perpetual peace is a real thing or not a real thing, or as to whether we may not be deceiving ourselves when we adopt the former alternative, but we must act on the supposition of its being real."

Application of this Kantian-philosophy to taxi drivers is very simple.
Since I cannot actually prove that the taxi driver is an idiot who is driving faster than his IQ and consequently appears to be unstable as he exceeds about 70 kmph, and nor can I prove that he is not a celestial being with a transcendentally connected brain I have to accept it could be either.

Further, as an eternal optimist, I'm obligated to act on the supposition that the latter is real.

So if in the weeks to come there are scenes of roads blocked by taxi drivers, buses being burnt, commuters being shot at and so on, understand what they are actually doing. Momentous things will flow from their actions;

• The government will drop all fuel taxes and levies
• There will be an outbreak of peace in the middle east and US forces will be withdrawn from Iraq. The Israelis and Hammas will be breaking bread and swapping their mother's favourite recipes.
• China will realise that rapid growth and demand for fuel is completely contrary to their agrarian character and all expansion will cease and people will go back to the land - on bicycles.
• En masse traders around the world will see the evil in their ways, find their spiritual inner beings and stop speculating with oil futures.

So next time a taxi cuts you off, pull over and politely ask "Jung, Freud or Kant?" You may be surprised at the answer.

Horror at an airport

Was I the only one to spot the irony?

So Buti Manamela the national secretary of the Young Communist League (YCL), is detained by anti-terror police on arrival at Heathrow.

Without wishing to comment on western paranoia or over zealous policing, the fact that Manamela cites one of the key reasons they were suspicious of him was because he flew to London business class, is deeply ironic.

A quick look at his profile on the YCL's web site, and proudly displayed in the left column of each page is:

The Young Communist League of South Africa is a Marxist-Leninist youth wing of the SACP.

The YCL stands for:
o Non Racism
o Freedom
o Equality
o The socialisation of the ownership and control of the means of production

Looking at these lofty ideals, there's no argument with the first two. But lurking just after Freedom is "Equality". Clearly slumming it in the back of the plane with the proletariat is not something any good Marxist-Leninist could possibly consider. Sipping bubbly and relishing the extra legroom with the bourgeoisie up front is far more appropriate.

Then again, he may have had have the opportunity to discuss "The socialisation of the ownership and control of the means of production" with a few captains of industry and convinced them to give up their executive salaries and exploitative travel tastes.

Curiously it was less than an month ago (24 May) that Fikile Majola (member of the SACP Politburo) in an address to the SACP Eastern Cape Congress commented :

"I did not struggle to be poor". This ideology of "there is nothing wrong to be rich" has now spread like a dangerous virus in the body of our cadreship from national to local"

Majola closes his address with: Socialism is the Future - Build it now, with and for the workers and the poor!!!

Hey Buti, pass the champagne and, umm are you going to finish your smoked salmon?